Why Morrissey is Popular in Mexico 

Hot take: It was Johnny Marr that really bent the ear of the Latino community. It’s  not just Morrissey’s pompadour and emotional resonance that created this popularity but possibly Johnny Marr’s guitar style - that jangly, Spanish-y rhythm that was the  true hit. Okay maybe it’s both, but enough with Morrissey getting all the credit.

WE’LL MAKE GREAT PETS 

Okay so Jane’s Addiction will never play another show after one sucky show. Bands used to play sucky shows all the time before iPhones and people would brag about how much it sucked. It didn’t mean you got all pissy and quit. Okay here’s the solution Perry: Porno for Pyros. Just tour that great record for a bit - it’s great.

Is Sabrina Carpenter AI? 

Jury is still out. She’s one of the latest to come off of the conveyer belt at Disney  Inc. She appears doll-like with perfectly forgettable music. The videos look like candy - There’s nothing wrong with it but there’s nothing right with it either. Can we PLEASE get the new Janis Joplin?

LEWIS CAPALDI 

What the heck man stop being so hilarious one minute and then making us cry in the line at Taco Bell listening to your heart wrenching beautiful songs that are all timeless and shit.

YUNGBLUD

The kids are alright. This magnificent looking rockstar can truly pull off the voice, the vibe, the look, the songs and the attitude while being the cool and present talking with fans about anything from eyeliner to mental health. Please protect Yungblood. We need him.

Fender vs Gibson 

Fender. I hate that it’s true. Of course you want it to be Gibson, They look cooler until you accidentally gently set it down and the headstock breaks off and your heart sinks to the center of hell. The Guitar fixer will tell you “It ain’t a Gibson until you break the headstock.” And he’ll laugh, and you’ll think it’s not that funny. He’ll notice your Eyes welling up and reassure you “Hey pal, don’t worry the glue is  Stronger than the wood.” Oh awesome, this fucking $2000 piece shit. And the G-string never stays in tune - try ripping a solo then playing a clean arpeggio for the final verse. It’s gonna sound like shit. Fender’s are better because they won’t embarrass you or break your heart.

G-G-G-G- GLITTERBOMB (ICE) 

Yup. They came to dance with LA so let’s make it as festive as possible with glitterbombs. These cheeky little masked men (and women) are too afraid to just come out and celebrate who they are. Let’s give them a hearty LA welcome To the party with glitter bombs! Oh that glitter gets everywhere, ask my X-wife. Now when they take off those butch berkas they’ll be identifiable to friends and neighbors as the ICE agents they should be proud to be!

WHY CANADIAN MUSIC SUCKS

Okay that’s not fair and was written out of jealousy. Their government provides funding for songwriters at all levels to make records. I’ve heard a total unknown songwriter from Canada sigh and say “Ugg I’ve got to finish this record before The end of the year to get funding for next year”. I feel SO SURRY FOR YOU, EH? Wtf. You can hear American rockers selling grampa’s old coin collection to afford A PC computer if you listen close enough.

Service Industry Killed Black Jeans 

Black jeans in the summer, black jeans in the winter - the ultimate sign of  rebellion. 

Then you join a band and everyone quietly decides to wear black because it looks cool and is easier (even though the drummer will probably show up in an unannounced Philadelphia  Eagles jersey at showtime).  

Then you get to the BIG time where you’re waiting tables or bartending on the side  and you’re FORCED to wear black.  

Now those stage jeans are covered in simple syrup and lime juice and will never TRULY be for rock and roll again. 

Thanks service industry.

WHERE’S THE DANGER? 

Rockers used to worship Satan, back when that was the worst thing we could think of. Rappers would beat you senseless if you walked into Death Row Records, Attempted bars, and they didn’t like it. Even Harry Nilson, with his perfect light rock was a total renegade Hollywood Vampire. Upon recent review of some  modern mumble rappers - I think I could take them. I would never have thought that about Sir Ice Cube.

RECYCLING STYLE 

It used to be 20 years, then a cycle would repeat. In the 90s, Soundgarden WAS the modern Led Zeppelin. The topic matter also resembled the 70s. Then it started to speed up as consumption increased. Next we had the Killers harkening Joy  Division, 

The cycle tightens by a few years. Then all hell broke loose - the cycles tightened even more. JNCO jeans are the easiest example. This horrible waste of denim has come in and out of style 3 times in the last 20 years. Where are we now? MGK Throwing back to Backstreet Boys? How does Hick Hop fit in?